Season's Greetings

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe help to make the season bright. But what about the things that really matter?

Every chain email you’ve been getting recently has probably told you this, but it’s true. The holiday season truly is about reflecting on what really matters. So, past all the greeting cards and things you toss aside before stuffing your face with the chocolate inside the box…what does this mean?

It’s all about whatever you do every day that you are grateful for. It’s about acknowledging the little things—as well as the big things—that make your life meaningful. It might be something as simple as I’m grateful for not being forced by my parents to eat Granny Moscovitz’s latkes. Or, something like, I am so lucky that my brother Ricky didn’t get a drum set for Christmas. Then I would have an even worse headache…

Recognizing the bigger things is just as important. When you’re stuck in a never-ending line at Wal Mart buying yet another bubble bath kit for your big sister, take a moment and think, What am I grateful for? You’re probably grateful that you’re wearing a coat, right? You’re grateful that, even though your sister annoys the fruit cake out of you, she still loves you. (Except when she finds out that you stole her Gap straight leg jeans right out of the dryer before she could get at them. Then, she might not love you so much…)

How about your house? You have one. It’s warm. How about your Grandmother’s latkes? You have food to eat. (Even if it tastes like shoe.) There are so many things that you have in your everyday life that you don’t think twice about. Well, ‘tis the season to thank your lucky star that you have all these things.

Whatever you celebrate, and whoever you celebrate it with, be thankful for what you have and what you share with others. When we can find joy in what we have, and not find greed for what we don’t have, it helps to make the season bright.

So have fun this holiday season and enjoy all your family, friends, latkes, fruit cake, and the magic of the holidays. Happy Chrismahannukwaanzica to all, and to all a good night!

Be careful what you wish for...

How many times have you said “Oh my gosh, I wish I was her”? Okay, maybe you’ve never said that, but I’m sure you’ve thought it. I know I have, especially when watching “The Princess Bride” at the very beginning when Buttercup’s on the farm, and …well, you know.

But, if you honestly would give anything to become someone else, you don’t realize your self-worth. When you idealize, you put yourself down. You become your own worst enemy, which is extremely dangerous. What exactly is idealization? How is it different from admiration?

When you admire someone, you like something about them. Period.

Example: This past weekend, I went to the Texas Book Festival (soo much fun), and met my favorite author of all time, Gail Carson-Levine. I admire her work, and I hope to become as successful a writer as her someday. Do I want to become her? Not really. (Unless you give me the movie deal for “Ella Enchanted” & a chance to meet Anne Hathaway…)

When you aspire to be like someone, you not only admire something about them, you apply it to yourself in a good way.

Example: Alice Paul, a Women’s Rights suffragette in the early 1900’s, grew up around where I live. I am inspired by her bravery and intelligence, and aspire to become as strong a woman as she was. Do I want to become her? Not exactly. (Unless it means switching places with Hilary Swank in the movie about Alice Paul, especially the part where she meets McDreamy…)

When you idealize, it’s no longer “I like her Jimmy Choos!” or “I love her ability to play the cymbals! I want to learn to do that!” Your attitude changes from the Sunshine Care Bear to the Rain-cloud Grumpy Bear. You say “Why are her shoes better than mine? I would do anything to look as good in them as she does!”

Can you see the problem?

If you were to idealize someone, you would go out of your way to convince yourself that you are worthless, and then try desperately to become someone who you feel is better. Instead of trying to improve yourself to become a better person, you change yourself to become a different person. You change your hair, clothes, personality, interests, values, and behavior, all to become someone you’re not.

Idealization can be very dangerous. (Just imagine if you idealized The Hulk!!! Or not…) When you can learn to admire someone and aspire to be more like them, instead of falling victim to idealization, you can learn to accept yourself, improve yourself, and shine through.

Masquerade

Masks have always been a part of human culture, dating back to the earliest civilizations. Tribal peoples wore masks to ward off evil spirits, and the ancient Greeks would use them in dramatic performances.
But the ‘masks’ talked about in the Shine Through Program are something totally different. They aren’t things you physically put on your face. They are changes in your clothing style, personality, and interests that are used to trick people into thinking you’re someone you’re not. The problem is, you might just fool yourself.
Christina Aguilera once said, “If I wear a mask, I can fool the world, but I cannot fool my heart.” Masks are not something that people can see. It’s what they can’t see that’s the point. Have you ever knocked over that really expensive china while looking for your plastic Six Flags souvenir refill cup in the kitchen cupboard? (Not that I’ve ever done that…) What did you do with the broken pieces? Unless you’re an exceptionally well-behaved child (like most of us), you probably hid the broken mess somewhere.
You masked the evidence.
We wear masks simply because we don’t like who we are. We want to be someone different. So, we pick an icon or social group, and mold ourselves.
Why is this so terrible? We’re not committing a crime, right?
That depends.
When you cover up yourself with a ‘mask’, you may also cover your conscience with a mask. (Jiminy Cricket would not like this one bit. And, just as a side note: Seriously, why a cricket? Don’t you think Walt Disney could have used something else, like a fuzzy bunny? No offense, Jiminy. Anyway…)
When we feel as if we need to impress someone—or some society—so much as to change who we are to be accepted, we may go so far as to do things that are pretty much not-genius. And, if we weren’t wearing a mask, we would most likely never attempt those not-genius things in the first place. If you weren’t wearing a mask, and had at least a kindergarten education, you would probably know that going to an unsupervised party where alcohol is being served is a not-genius thing to do. (Or, in Health Class words: Adolescents who exercise healthy decision-making skills would avoid attending a Wikkity Wack Jammin’ House Party, yo. They would also “just say no” to the consumption of alcoholic beverages, even though it may make them feel cool.)
So, basically, you could shame poor Jiminy by using your mask to cover up your conscience, as well.
‘Masks’ can be a huge problem in your life, and can be avoided if you can just be yourself. I know it’s one of the most used clichés of all time, but it is repeated for a reason. You are the only you that you can be. It’s as simple as that.
Trust yourself.
Respect yourself.
Be yourself.
And make Jiminy proud.

Nobody's Perfect

So, the other day, I received one of those chain-mail “inspirational” e-mails. You know, the ones that your friends send you, but you delete anyway? Well, for some reason, I decided to open this one. So, I will spend the next paragraph desperately trying to retell what it read:
There was a lady who carried 2 clay pots to fetch water with every day. They hung upon a pole that the lady bore across her shoulders. The pot that hung on the left was painted vibrantly, and was well-made and sturdy. The other, which hung on the right, was simple, and through it, ran a large crack. This clay pot was ashamed, for by the time the lady returned to her home, only half of the water it held was left. One day, the cracked clay pot spoke to the lady, telling her of his woes. The lady, in turn, replied, “Have you ever noticed that there are flowers along one side of the road and not the other? One day, I planted seeds along the right side of the road. Now, each day you water them, and keep them healthy and strong.” The end.
The moral of the (badly retold) story is: Don’t be insecure about your imperfections, because, even if you’re not perfect, you can make the world a more beautiful place.
How does this apply?
When we can feel comfortable with ourselves, just the way we are, we can be ourselves, and eventually, become who we want to be. (Except maybe not Superman. Or Amanda Bynes. Although that would be cool…).
Having insecurities can not only make us have a bad self-esteem, it can cause us to make some not-so-smart choices. (Or “unhealthy decision-making skills” if you’re a health teacher. Which is fine with me.) So, the next time you think that your nose is too big, your feet are too small, or your braces are un-cool (that means you Jan Brady), think about whether or not it actually matters. Because, quite honestly, no one’s perfect. And if you can be okay with that, then you can definitely Shine Through.

See the Difference?

Hello! My name is Kristina Coia. I'm the author of 2 fantasy novels, Falcon's Prey and Lymeria, and the creator of a girls' empowerment presentation called Shine Through. (I also have to study for a geometry test this week.) But enough about me.
These past few weeks in school, I've noticed a lot of things that I had forgotten over the summer. Things like which hallway is most crowded 7th period, which water fountain spews water when you turn it on, how to walk on the right side of the hallway so you're not hall-roadkill, and so on. But another thing I've noticed is just how much you can be influenced by the people around you.
For example, today at lunch, I decided to try out a new seat. (Okay, I got there late and had to take the broken chair...) But my friend moved her backpack and invited me to sit next to her. So I did. Innocent, right?
But what happens when the situation is a bit different?
1. Rachel's friends play field hockey. Rachel has never played before, but because her friends are playing, she's going to try out for the team. It will be fun! She loves spending time with her friends and has always wanted to play a sport!
2. Rachel's friends play field hockey. Rachel has never played before, but because her friends are playing, she's going to try out for the team. What could be worse? She would rather sit through today's lecture on cytoplasm than play a sport! But her friends are playing. So she's trying out for the team.
See the difference?
We all are influenced by our friends. Sometimes it's a good thing. Maybe your friend knows more about the Articles of Confederation than you and can help you out with your history essay. But sometimes, it's not a good thing.
Now, you're probably thinking, So what? Field hockey never hurt anyone. Let me respond to that in the form of a health teacher. *clears throat*
Peer pressure. It is harmful. It is when teenagers are influenced to do unhealthy things by their peers. It can lead to poor decision-making skills, like substance abuse. Do not be influenced by peer pressure. Be healthy. Floss.
*exhales* Wow, I'm glad that's over. But in the end it's true. (Even the part about the floss.) When you agree to follow your friends, even into something as innocent as field hockey, you could eventually do things worse than that. Much worse.
If you like field hockey, then go for it!
If not, your true friends will understand.
You are the only person with the privilege of being yourself. And, besides, who's better suited for the job of being you than you?