Be careful what you wish for...

How many times have you said “Oh my gosh, I wish I was her”? Okay, maybe you’ve never said that, but I’m sure you’ve thought it. I know I have, especially when watching “The Princess Bride” at the very beginning when Buttercup’s on the farm, and …well, you know.

But, if you honestly would give anything to become someone else, you don’t realize your self-worth. When you idealize, you put yourself down. You become your own worst enemy, which is extremely dangerous. What exactly is idealization? How is it different from admiration?

When you admire someone, you like something about them. Period.

Example: This past weekend, I went to the Texas Book Festival (soo much fun), and met my favorite author of all time, Gail Carson-Levine. I admire her work, and I hope to become as successful a writer as her someday. Do I want to become her? Not really. (Unless you give me the movie deal for “Ella Enchanted” & a chance to meet Anne Hathaway…)

When you aspire to be like someone, you not only admire something about them, you apply it to yourself in a good way.

Example: Alice Paul, a Women’s Rights suffragette in the early 1900’s, grew up around where I live. I am inspired by her bravery and intelligence, and aspire to become as strong a woman as she was. Do I want to become her? Not exactly. (Unless it means switching places with Hilary Swank in the movie about Alice Paul, especially the part where she meets McDreamy…)

When you idealize, it’s no longer “I like her Jimmy Choos!” or “I love her ability to play the cymbals! I want to learn to do that!” Your attitude changes from the Sunshine Care Bear to the Rain-cloud Grumpy Bear. You say “Why are her shoes better than mine? I would do anything to look as good in them as she does!”

Can you see the problem?

If you were to idealize someone, you would go out of your way to convince yourself that you are worthless, and then try desperately to become someone who you feel is better. Instead of trying to improve yourself to become a better person, you change yourself to become a different person. You change your hair, clothes, personality, interests, values, and behavior, all to become someone you’re not.

Idealization can be very dangerous. (Just imagine if you idealized The Hulk!!! Or not…) When you can learn to admire someone and aspire to be more like them, instead of falling victim to idealization, you can learn to accept yourself, improve yourself, and shine through.